Life Log - Kyle William Nix, February 12, 1976

 On the basketball court this afternoon I actually felt pretty confident.  However, when Coach Warfield had to tell two players to stop messing around during my start of practice announcements and show me some respect it didn't feel very good because I wasn't requiring or demanding their respect.  Some were, but those two weren't.  But then when we got to the drills I was able to get their attention and get their respect.   A similar thing happened in the classroom this morning during 1st period.  The students were off task when I started making the beginning of class announcements, but then after I stopped and made them listen I could sense my confidence and tell that they were listening to me.   That was just after I had a tough exchange with Susie this morning.  She called me out when I trying to communicate with her about giving Esther a consequence for pushing the books off the coffee table.  It led to some open and honest exch...

 This is a tough time.  Though I guess I should realize by now that it's always going to be tough and it's tough for everyone else too and the sooner I come to terms with that the sooner I will be able to think differently about the anger I have about not getting treated fairly.  The sooner I will learn to lean into Jesus and continuously look to him for gratitude and love that I can share with the world.  It seems like there was a time that I felt this, but that time is so hard to remember.   Today during family devo Susie shared that what she appreciates about Elijah is that he shares his faith with others and does that in a respectful way.  Hearing her say that I think about how far off I am from understanding Susie.   But then I see that little black shirt she was wearing today that reveals the skin on he belly and I get completely disregulated by it.  Like she trying to seduce other men and make them desire her sexually and that she...

I had been planning our Christmas tree cutting down outing for a few days on the family text thread.  The plan was for Anna to drive with Elijah.  Then Anna and Elijah would ride together.  But at the last minute Elijah and Susie changed the plans and decided that we were all going to ride up in the van together.  When we were loading up Simon took the shot gun seat but Anna thought she was going to sit there.  It turned into a struggle and I said that these changes were thrust upon us at the last minute so we need a moment to figure it out.  That is about when Susie suggested that Anna and I drive the Scion separately to Jemez.  That made me feel like we were excluded from the family.  It really hurt.   After we were riding in the car for a while we were asked by Elijah to play the song game and I spoke up about how Anna and I were feeling excluded and we didn't want to participate in the game.  When we stopped at the gas station I...

  Coming out of my sophomore year and heading into my junior year was time because my girlfriend had broken up with me but the football season was on the horizon I knew that if I could excel in football that the pain of getting dumped by my girlfriend and the emotional and sexual frustration that I was feeling around that would be okay football season was going fine but then my shoulder injury happened and it ended up ending my football career The trauma around the injury isn't what really messed me up isn't what was really what was hard it was the events leading up to and then proceeding the injury made it difficult I started out my sophomore year on the bench for the basketball team and by the end of the season I was a starter on a team date maybe lost one or two games all season It was great to stand there on our home court toward the end of the game during free throws knowing that another victory would be coming as the seconds ticked off the clock that was a great feeling T...