Life Log - Kyle William Nix, February 12, 1976

This was my first year of coaching basketball LBJ. Coaching with coach McCall made it a really good experience. Some of the boys on the team were Ivan and Leroy and Jackson and deshawn and Isaac and Simon and Dante and Alexander and braylon and Josiah and Aaron and Elijah and Albert. Coach McCall did most of the coaching during the games but I coached during the last game. We went okay. I realized I need to get my own style. It's hard for me to stay positive during practice and during the games, but I want us to true to myself so maybe it's not being positive but just being more strategic, however I do need to be able to relate to the kids. I enjoyed it and I think I'll do it again next year.

 It was a nice Christmas afterall.  I worked on my puzzle while listening to The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill podcast.  Very interesting stuff.   Susie had another meeting with Scott so now it is time for us to meet together.  At least that was the original plan.  We'll see if things have changed since.   On Christmas Eve I was feeling desire for Susie and then several times on Christmas day when the kids were entertained and Susie and I were just sitting around I again felt a fairly stong desire for her.   I wanted to tell her but didn't think I should.  I think I was right.   I decided to tell her on Sunday morning (the morning after Christmas) how I was feeling.  I wanted to tell her that I was desiring her but instead the words came out as "yesterday I was missing us, being together.  I just wanted to let you know how i was feeling."  That hardly sends the same message as what I wanted to say to her....

 Steve's family and Ruth and Allen came over today for pizza and to spend time together.  They mostly hung in the back yard with me and Ruth and Allen.  Susie, Anna, and Elijah stayed in the kitchen.  It was awkward.  It feels as though Susie does this to seek out attention but I don't really think this is the reason she does it.  Though I don't understand exactly when she avoided Steve so much today.  Maybe when we talk more I will understand it more. Steve asked me the day before if he did anything to Susie and I said no.  I told Susie this and she said I was lying to Steve.  I meant that Steve hadn't done anything new or recently so maybe it was only half true.  Susie didn't get too upset over it but I'm sure it was not a positive for me building her trust in me.  ] The break has been fine but that is because I'm not having a lot of hope in our relationship.  It is pleasant enough but the level of desire is low.  The le...

 This Sunday I was supposed to go hiking with Pete.  I was looking forward to getting away but also feeling like I would be missing out on haning out with the family during this beginning of the holiday season.  I feel like I need to get away for just a bit because that alone time is very important for me.   However, I will not be going afterall because Anna will be getting baptized at church and I cannot miss that.  It sort of came out of no where.  I overheard Susie talking to someone at the goodbye party for Andy and she happened to mention that Anna was getting baptized next Sunday.  I was please but surprised to just now be learning the news.  Susie told me that she had just heard the news herself, either earlier that day or the day before.   Anna shared that she knows that she has been a Christian for a while but now feels like she wants to learn more about being a Christian.  So she decided this was the right time for he...

 This morning the men's group met at Hello Deli.  It was a larger group.  Zephan, Jerry's husband, Brian, Matt, and another guy came.  Six of us in all.  Nice group of men.  Matt proposed reading through a book starting some time in January or late December.  That seems like a long time off, but Christmas is actually just around the corner.  I am feeling a bit torn about the group growing to this larger size.  The guys there are so great though and there is plenty of give and take in the conversation.  Matt should be very please with the way the group is coming together.  I want to grow in my faith through this group but I don't want it to become a situation where I compromise my convictions or pretend to agree with the group when I really don't feel a cetain way about a subject or issue.  I just want to stay within myself and continue to stand on the line of where my vulnerability is good for me and for others too.  ...

 Nights were often hard for me when I was young.  I would get scared of the dark when laying in my bed and the rest of the house was sleeping.  It wasn't brought on by scary movies.  It seems like it was just my imagination running wild.  Though I wonder if it did have something to do with the TV I watched at night with themes that were probably more mature that I could handle.  Or maybe it was the scary stories that I would read in a few books we had laying around but never fully seemed to read.  Or hearing scary stories from other kids in the neighborhood or wherever.   There was one night that I remember getting particularly scared from a movie.  David and Angie lived behind the hog house along Hwy 100 in a mobile home.  On this night plans were made for me to spend the night there after, some kind of family get together.  I was to sleep in the living room on the recliner.  After the family left we watched the movie Sil...

 On Saturday Susie and Anna went clothes and Christmas shopping.  After they had been gone for about 3 or 4 hours it dawned on me that Susie and I may not do our usual Christmas shopping night together this year.  That realization made me really sad.  I was frustrated that it was Anna going with Susie and that I was home with Esther.  It put me in a bad mood in the afternoon.  But as I wrestled with this reality more and sat with my sadness and reminded myself that this Christmas season is probably going to different than previous years.  That realization helped me process my sadness and think about the situation a bit more.  I realized that Christmas shopping is not an activity that is really that much fun for me and that I am grateful that those two took care of that responsibility rather than me.  Soon after they got home, about an hour or two after my mood began to change and I was able to interact with them in a regular way.