Life Log - Kyle William Nix, February 12, 1976

 1986-1987 - 5th grade Summer  Fall Spring 1987-1988 - 6th grade Summer  Fall Spring 1988-1989 - 7th grade Summer  Fall Spring 1989-1990 - 8th grade Summer  Fall Spring 1990-1991 - 9th grade Summer  Fall Spring 1991-1992 sophomore year Summer  Fall Spring 1992-93 - junior year Summer  Fall Spring 1993-94 - senior year Summer  Fall Spring 1994-95 Summer  Fall Spring 1995-96 Summer  Fall Spring 1996-97 Summer  Fall Spring 1997 Summer Fall Winter 1998 Spring - Work at YMCA after school program and at Lion's Den Summer - Work at Lion's Den  Fall Winter 1999 Summer  Fall - I work at Evan Spring 2000 Summer -   Fall - I work at Evangelical Children's Home for the 1st time, Move to Albuquerque in October/ Early November Spring - Pete and Norah are married, Susie working at camp Mo-Val early before the summer starts, I work at Lion's Den 2001 Summer - I work at Lion's Den  Fall - I work at Evangelical Children'...

 Enjoyed the weekend visiting with Pete in Quemado, New Mexico.  We met at Quemado Lake at 1:30 on Saturday and planned to camp at the campsite.  But it started to rain so we just sat in the car and talked for a couple hours.  Finally we decided to call it a day and we drove back to town and stayed at the motel.  Though the price was a bit much we thought it was a nice place to stay.  We hung out in the room talking about Pete's church, our families, college and high school girlfriends, and Pete's adventures over seas.  We enjoyed a decent meal at the Cafe.  It was really a great time of hanging out.  We hadn't seen each other in nearly 10 years so we had plenty to talk about.   We had lost touch a couple years back but when Pete shared the news with me about a year ago that he had a serious job prospect in Arizona we reconnected.   In the morning it was still raining but the sky cleared up and it turned into a great day f...

 Tomorrow I meet with Scott for the first time since the retreat.  I'm going in feeling pretty defeated.  I am having a hard time seeing how there's any way that Susie and I are going to really be close again.  Afterall, it's been, a VERY long time I think since we've really felt close.  Hell, in some ways it feels like we've really never even gotten to know each other.  Maybe that's just the tall hill standing before me that I'm going to have to conquer talking, but nonetheless, there definitly a sense of defeat going into this.   What I'm really looking forward to is a time when Susie and I can get together with Scott.  I feel like that is the message I want to get to him tomorrow.  I want us to meet together.  Hell, I think at this point I'd pay $135 just for a decent conversation with Susie.  She is engaging me at such a shallow level right now.  I don't see her having any interesting in spending quality time with me d...

 Scott and Katie led the weekend activities.  It was like nothing else I have experienced.  It felt a bit like summer camp and kind of like a youth specialties convention and a lot like a painful therapy session.  And it didn't go the way I hoped it would.  But at the same time it was better than I hoped it would.   I feel so along at times.  Especially at night.  I'm hurting for Susie's attention, but I really think I have things that are grieving me that I don't know how to grieve.  Getting Susie's attention is not going to help me do the hard work that I need to do.  I came out of the weekend with high hopes, confident that the refreshed spirit I felt would be lasting.  But, it starting to fade away and it's pretty tough to handle.  I feel like tonight I'm coming down from the mountain and into the valley, and I'm afraid I don't know how deep the valley is going to be.   I'll try to reflect on the weekend but ...

Tonight, Saturday, September 11, Susie told me that she no longer has feelings for me.   It's hard to look at those words now that they are typed.  I'm a bit in denial and shock.  Yet, at the same time it is a relief to finally know what the hell has been going on in our relationship.   However, is this moment all on her?  Or am I really the responsible one here.   I think I've been the one digging into the problem.  But it has been my lack of understanding and empanthy that has led us here.  Susie needs a strong leader in this relationship and I just don't know if I could every provide that in our marriage.  I don't think I've done anything to help her emotionally through the journey, the wild journey, we've been on for the last 20 years.  Especially the last 16 years.  Since Ruthie's birth. It's going to be different around here.   Help me God, to deal with this.  In the process help me become a more ...