Life Log - Kyle William Nix, February 12, 1976

I've decided to make two comments on the day to mention them to Susie.  She seems to hate questions so I think I'll avoid asking her anything at this point.   I need to respond to her comment about what would a friendship look like between us.  I might mention some level of respect or appreciation, but that sounds pretty pathetic.  I don't want to go to defeat but I'm easily heading down that road in this conversation.  So, I'm still not sure what to say.  I guess when things are going well we watch TV with the kids.  We discuss concerns with the kids.  We even shared details about happenings in our lives.  

 Decent amount going on here.  Last week I attended the APS math conference.  It was really good.  The community that was established was really great.  I got three books and several good ideas I would really like to implement.  Setting aside the time to do the work is going to be my challenge.  I want to get these projects around the house done and that is taking up most of my free time.  I'm also spending a lot of time working for Dr. Khan.  Maybe too much time.   The meeting last Saturday with Rick and Vicki was kinda rough.  Susie said that nothing has really changed for her.  That she doesn't know what things will look like down the road but that she wants her kids to be in her life.  That she can't see what things are going to be like in the future because for now she's just trying to make it from day to day.  I said that it would be nice to sit down and talk about things going on with the family but she sa...

 Susie decorated the kitchen like an episode from the Office.  I heard Simon and Susie talking in the kitchen around 6:15 so I got up to see Simon's reaction and to tell him happy birthday.  He opened up all of his gifts right then.  That evening we had Papa John's pizza and cake and ice cream.  It was nice that Elijah was here.  We sat in the living room after dinner and played The Office trivia game.   Simon started soccer today for Oak Grove.  He talked and talked about going to practice and oak Grove for the very first time today.  He was nervous.  I was glad that I was there to listen to him since he was feeling all this about going to practice.  

Judy suggested that I consider how I can see myself in light of reality instead of not worthy, as I typically see myself.   She suggested that I ask what I want.   We talked about how I would like to move to Missouri.  And she said that sounds like a good plan.  Then I explained that Esther is just 6.  And so moving to Missouri wouldn't be something that happens for some time.   She said that it seems like the main thing I desire is to get clarity on our relationship.  That living in the state of unknowing must be difficult.  And yes, it certainly is.   She asked me if I want to be married to Susie.  I hesitated.  I'm still not sure how to answer that.  However, when I think about the experiences we have shared and what we could share together in the future I do have that desire to be with her.   This summer I am going to sit at the edge of the Missouri River in Washington Missouri and relive those...

Simon let his bike in plain sight at beckets and it was stolen this afternoon.  What a let down for him and me.  It was too nice for the purpose. He'll have to use another bike now.   I'm very glad to be meeting with Judy tomorrow.  I'm afraid of what she's going to say. I'm considering reaching out to rich Neely to talk about divorce.  Esther was playing with Jordan and her sister tonight whose parents were recently divorced and they seemed to be doing just fine.   I feel like if we divorced the kids wouldn't care to spend time with me.  And it's Anna's senior year.  I want her to be the focus not my Divorce.  I just wonder what is going on with Susie.