Life Log - Kyle William Nix, February 12, 1976

 Simon, Esther, and Susie went to Durango for the Polar Express experience this weekend.  When Susie left Mihika asked for a hug and they hugged.  I wanted to hug too, but that does not happen these days.   I was here and enjoyed being busy with fixing the washing machine and watching the Mizzou football game, but it hurt to ponder that feeling that I am in a failed marriage.  That I am not enough for Susie.  That my life has a great lack of excitement.  Even church was a bit difficult.  Even being alone at home by myself in the afternoon was difficult.   But then I listened to a podcast today with Krista Tippet on the benefits of solitude and it changed my perception.  It explained that the life of solitude is a discipline.  That anyone can be alone but to be alone and with yourself well is something completely different.  That when you learn how to do that practice of being alone well and put into practice reflectiv...

 Adam preached on Genesis 3 today.  The topic was relationships and how shame affects us.   He asked the question, What story are you believing about yourself?   He told the story of hearing his coach say that he was too small to play baseball at the next level.  This has led to him feeling like he has to prove himself.   So, what story am I believing about myself? I think one of the main stories I tell myself is that I am not good enough to be enjoyed by other people.  That I don't have enough to contribute to be saught after by others.   The story I tell myself shouldn't be one that I tell myself because I have always been the one that my parents were pleased by.  And because I was the one that accomplished the most out of my siblings.  Yet, this story is a big one for me.   Guilt is feeling you did something wrong.   Shame is feeling you are something wrong.   So, the question is, wher...