Life Log - Kyle William Nix, February 12, 1976

Watching Chad Powers tonight. I got emotional.  It was a scene where he came in for the starting quarterback and the team to a surprising win.  I feel like I got emotional when it showed the other people getting excited for Chad.  That this person who others thought little love was able to do something surprisingly significant.  I guess I'm sad that I feel like I'm really not going to do anything significant, but maybe there is some inspiration that some people are able to do that, and maybe even I could do that some day.  I think about my day today activities, the relationships I have even with my own family and children, I guess I feel like it's lacking to say the least and I wonder what future there is for me. I can take part in these activities alone but doesn't really mean that much unless I'm sharing it with somebody but I feel like a significant to me.

This is a voice to text entry.  Had coffee with Shaynor today?.  He asked me about the divorce.  The question that stands out the most is what did it feel like?  He asked if it felt like betrayal?  I didn't have a good answer.  But I did say was that I felt like my marriage was the one thing I could count on, that would always be there.  That losing that thing that I could count on was one of the most difficult things.  And as I think about that now, that's again about me and not about Susie, I don't know if losing Susie caused the sadness.  Maybe because our relationship was so tenuous The freedom from that stress I'm feeling her disappointment in me have been pushing me away from her for some time.  The sadness was about losing a life that I had spent so much effort on creating.   One of the kind things that he said is that I don't owe the church anything.  He said that he didn't know how to step in and take action when ...