Life Log - Kyle William Nix, February 12, 1976

 Today I was able to open the blinds in my classroom and the bright sunshine did not affect the Promethean board.  I like having the shades open.   I reminded me of the time we watch a nature video in the 6th grade.  I remember that there was a squirrel and lots of brown leaves, like oak tree leaves in the fall.  Like on a sunny day.  I felt such a longing to be out in the woods.  To be out of that classroom exploring what was out there in the woods that I could see from my classroom window.  How peaceful it would be to be in that moment with the leaves and the trees and the squirrels and the sun rays coming through from above.  I had a real longing to be in that.   I'm also reminded of the time dad, Eric, and I walked along the railroad tracks.  I think we had just gotten a bee-bee gun and that's why we did it.  But I didn't care that much about the bee-bee gun.  I just enjoyed the walk.  I remember it was ...

 Man, what a depressed selfish boy I sound like.   I'm feeling all this self pity on my birthday.   I think what really set me off was Susie getting upset with me because Esther wasn't ready as early as she wanted.  It felt like intentional messing up my birthday.  That really frustrated me.   I have some important people to me in my life, and their birthday wishes meant a lot, but I still feel alone.  I still feel like I'm on my own.   Last year the Superbowl was on my birthday and it was one of my very best birthdays.  This year I had to teach on the day after my birthday and I was one of the worst I can remember.   This week especially sucks because Valentines Day is coming too.  That really sucks because it used to be such a special, fun time for me, and I thought it was for Susie too.  But maybe I was fooling myself all the while.  It's hard to believe that is that case, but I think it's true....

 I hate this time of the school year.  Kids are pushing my buttons.  I have no energy for their games or misbehaviors in my classroom  I'm not reaching them and I surely am not motivated to provide some exciting new activities.  And I think, if Mihika's money goes away I'm going to really hate going back to my measly teacher's salary.   I feel like a pretty big loser these days.  Valentines Day is coming.  I've had some pretty awesome Valentine's Day, but the last few and into the forseeable future are going to suck.  Sure, I love my kids, but I miss having a partner.   It's  big deal to me.   The other day I was thinking about what it was like for me to stay away from home for a night when I was a kid.  It was the worst.  I really like doing all the fun stuff at night, but when it got quiet, and I was the only one awake, the night turned really long. I think back again to the time that I stayed at Dway...