Valentine's Day really sucks

 I hate this time of the school year.  Kids are pushing my buttons.  I have no energy for their games or misbehaviors in my classroom  I'm not reaching them and I surely am not motivated to provide some exciting new activities.  And I think, if Mihika's money goes away I'm going to really hate going back to my measly teacher's salary.  

I feel like a pretty big loser these days.  Valentines Day is coming.  I've had some pretty awesome Valentine's Day, but the last few and into the forseeable future are going to suck.  Sure, I love my kids, but I miss having a partner.   It's  big deal to me.  

The other day I was thinking about what it was like for me to stay away from home for a night when I was a kid.  It was the worst.  I really like doing all the fun stuff at night, but when it got quiet, and I was the only one awake, the night turned really long.

I think back again to the time that I stayed at Dwayne's house on his slanted bed.  What a mess that house must have been.  I feel like our ho use is only slightly more put together.  I feel like I'm barely keeping it together.  Anyway, I kept getting up that night.  I was afraid of peeing in the bed.  I wasn't familiar with my body enough to know what that feeling was.  I wasn't able to talk with anyone about what was happening on the inside.  I was just about doing, there was no way to reflect on what was going on.  

This type of reflection is still very difficult.  Maybe I want to reflect on these things but, like when I was a kid, I still feel like these things will only bore people and what I have to say isn't important, at all.  

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