Life Log - Kyle William Nix, February 12, 1976

 I want to make a connection with Simon when talking to him but once he senses he's not getting his way he gets offended and I get mad. I want to make a connection with Anna when talking to her but once I try to exlain myself she gets offended and she shuts down and I am not able to reach her.   I want to make a connection with Susie when talking to her but we're always talking about an issue to address so we aren't able to talk about anything personal.  If we do I get hurt or try to get my way and then she gets frustrated and talks too fast and loud and intense.   I have a lot to learn about communication.  It is about connection with I am very bad at because I do not want to reveal my emotions to others.  Why?  I don't know.   However, I talked with Simon today and got mad and cussed twice in front of him and Esther.  It was a low moment for sure.  I gave an apology but I'm not sure it fully reached him.  Maybe I ca...

 In the 8th grade I was bullied by Cory.  I can't remember the kids last name.  I would stand there at my locker and he would shove my back and I would bump into my locker.   It seems like the first time he did it it was an act of endurement.  Like playing around with one of your buddies.  But after a few times it got old.  He would look back at me with his hair flip in his blonde hair, seemingly to make sure that I knew it was him that pushed me.  It went from enduring, to annoying, to bullying, to daily trauma.  I set up a punching bag in my basement.  I found some martial arts magazines and started to practice some moves.  I grew a fear of confronting him.   I tried to just hope away the problem but it wouldn't go away.  I grew more and more weary of him doing this to me and I tried to come up with a scheme to get him to stop doing it.  Often there was an administrator at the end of the hallway watching o...