Polar Express Trip, Nov. 2023

 Simon, Esther, and Susie went to Durango for the Polar Express experience this weekend.  When Susie left Mihika asked for a hug and they hugged.  I wanted to hug too, but that does not happen these days.  

I was here and enjoyed being busy with fixing the washing machine and watching the Mizzou football game, but it hurt to ponder that feeling that I am in a failed marriage.  That I am not enough for Susie.  That my life has a great lack of excitement.  Even church was a bit difficult.  Even being alone at home by myself in the afternoon was difficult.  

But then I listened to a podcast today with Krista Tippet on the benefits of solitude and it changed my perception.  It explained that the life of solitude is a discipline.  That anyone can be alone but to be alone and with yourself well is something completely different.  That when you learn how to do that practice of being alone well and put into practice reflective solitude it has a positive impact on the time you are not alone.  Quite insightful really.  

So, I will practice being alone tomorrow.  I will spend time practicing being alone well.  And all I can do is practice and trust that being alone well will make the time I spend with others more meaningful and positive.  

Afterall, Jesus was a man that spent time practice the discipline of solitude.  

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