Christmas 2021

 It was a nice Christmas afterall.  I worked on my puzzle while listening to The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill podcast.  Very interesting stuff.  

Susie had another meeting with Scott so now it is time for us to meet together.  At least that was the original plan.  We'll see if things have changed since.  

On Christmas Eve I was feeling desire for Susie and then several times on Christmas day when the kids were entertained and Susie and I were just sitting around I again felt a fairly stong desire for her.   I wanted to tell her but didn't think I should.  I think I was right.  

I decided to tell her on Sunday morning (the morning after Christmas) how I was feeling.  I wanted to tell her that I was desiring her but instead the words came out as "yesterday I was missing us, being together.  I just wanted to let you know how i was feeling."  That hardly sends the same message as what I wanted to say to her.  Gosh, I am really an amature at this.  

Anyway, the kids slept in a little bit, then we had breakfast, we finally started opening gifts around 8 or so.  It was nice.  Then Ruth and Allen came over at 10 for about 2 hours.  

On Christmas Eve the kids were kinda in a bad place emotionally.  Expecially Elijah, Esther, and Simon.  But by the evening pretty much everyone was in a good place and we decided to all ride around together and look at Christmas lights.  Susie and I put out the presents and went to bed.  A disappointing end to a lovely day (including a great meal at the Elephant Bar Cafe), but my frustration over not having my desire for Susie fulfilled was something I handled rather well and I was hardly disregulated at all.  Which is definitely a sign of emotional growth for me.  

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