Telling Esther About the Divorce

 This afternoon after I got home from basketball Susie suggested that we talk to Esther about the divorce.  I had been thinking that we should tell her very soon.  

We sat in the downstairs living room while Esther was eating away carefree at some Lucky Charms cereal.  Susie way lying on the couch and I sat on the brown table, Esther sitting next to Susie on the couch.  

Esther asked if she could watch Bored Shorts but Susie told her that we had something we needed to talk to her about.  

I said that she was going to be living with her mom and dad like Jude does.  She said what, I'm confused.  

Susie said, Esther, dad and I are getting  a divorce.  (This is the absolutely worst, hardest part that I've been crying about this evening.)

Esther said, na ah, you are joking.  Or you're kidding.  One of those.  

Then Susie said, no, it's real.

And Esther fell into Susie's arms and hid her face, crying into Susie's side.  

We all sat there for several minutes.  I teared up.  Susie I think did too a bit.  

Esther asked Susie why and Susie told her there wasn't really a good answer that she would understand.  

And we sat together a little longer.  Esther eventually sat up and asked Susie to read her the Peppa Pig book.  

And I sat there listening to the book.  

... Tonight it struck me that Esther is going to be at Susie's house for a good amount of time.  And it struck me that I couldn't work it out after all the opportunities I had to try to right the ship, I just couldn't stop being myself and that wouldn't fix it.  

And I looked again at the solar panels and I looked at the figures I came up with for a HELOC, and the numbers just didn't quite work out for that HELOC since I had to pay off the solar panels.  And the financial reset is very difficult to swallow.  

But, there is some hope.  I'm not staying down in the dumps tonight.  I'm just feeling bad for my little girl.  Whom this is going to affect for the next 11 years of her life and then beyond.  

Esther, may you be free, may you find peace, may you have grace and courage.  

Susie, may you be free, may you find peace, may you have grace and courage.  

Kyle, may you be free, may you find peace, may you have grace and courage.  

I wish I could write something to make my emotions all better but there's nothing that I can say that will make all the pain go away.  It's just painful.  

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