Susie's new house

 Did I ever respect her.  Did I ever appreciate her.  She says she never felt respected.  She says she never felt connected.  

Does it matter now?  Because it is ending.  My marriage is over.  

Susie is under contract on a house.  I will be paying her $125,000 (essentially $250,000) for a house that I bought for $185,000.  That's what divorce will get you.  Absolute insanity.  I'm taking out a 30 year mortgage on a house at the age of nearly 50.  Absolutely screwed over.  She's in the same boat, but she getting essentially exactly what she wants.  At least that's what it feels like.  Absolute insanity.  50.  And this is where I am in life.  What the fuck did I do wrong?  I scraped by.  I worked my ass off at handyman jobs.  I pinched pennies.  For what.  Nothing.  I'm not coming out ahead.  I'm coming out upside down.  Way upside down.  I'll be 80 what that house is paid off.  I'll be dead before then.  I'm almost dead.  

My anger is simmering.  I have to allow myself to let go of it.  I'm going hiking this Sunday.  

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