Basketball and Refinancing

 Tomorrow my A team will play the first game of the Bronze bracket.  I like our chances, but have no idea how we will compete.  It could be my last.  I mainly hope that we will at least get this win and live to play another two days.  I'm going to demand that the players play fast and aggressively.  That they play smart and share the ball with their teammates.  That they play disciplined enough to run the plays that we went over in practice.  If we do that we have a good chance.  If we don't, our season, and probably my coaching career, will come to an abrupt end.  My message to the players was to mentally prepare themselves for the game.  They are an undisciplined team, let by an undisciplined coach.  But one that can shine brightly from time to time.  But can fizzle out just as fast.  

I have decided that refinancing the house, including the solar panels, is going to be the best route going forward.  My home loan will change from $1650 per month to somewhere north of $2100 a month.  If it doesn't go too much above that I will be happy.  

I wonder if this divorce is actually going to be the best thing for me.  It seems that being married to Susie made me a better man, but at the same time I lost my soul because of all I gave to appeasing her and this family.  And even at that I did a very poor job.  More hikes.  More time for myself.  That's what I needed to do.  My intuition that those things are good were right.  My will and appetite to do them was too weak.  

I have been reflecting on some of the significant moments from early on in our marriage and even before that.  Cuddling in the bed and 5:30 before I had to leave and be at work at 6.  The conversation at the mall where I told Susie that if I had 10 lives to live one of them would be spent with her, but I only have one, and a life with her is not the right choice since I only have one life to live.  I wonder if she has someone.  Gabe Brodehl would not provide any insight as to what the case is.  She didn't want to speculate, but I have my suspicions for sure.  What does that matter to me though.  She will be living her live, and I mine.  Our paths will often cross, but I don't imagine the conversation will be on anything much more than the kids.  

I asked Laura Kaibel today if she is a Christian and emphatically she said no.  I said that I follow the principles of the faith, but don't take the Bible literally.  I shared that Susie does and that this has been a major point of contention.  She agreed and went on to say that this difference is one that is reconcilable.  And maybe there is a lot to this line of thinking.   Maybe us separating will allow us to take our own spiritual paths that have been neglected for all these years.  

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