2nd meeting with Judy Vinczel, APS therapist

 I dissociate when she has a bad tone with me.  I'm worried more about her tone than the words she is saying to me.  I'm constantly asking is she showing me caring or disdain.  

I dissociate as a defense to hear hard things. Possibly?  I'm not entirely sure why I dissociate.  

She interprets it as not caring.  Have I shared this with her?  

We need to talk because our children need some security.  They are feeling the insecurity.  

Susie and I should talk and decide where our relationship is at.  Is it going to be platonic.  Is it going to be a romantic relationship.  Are we going to enter into a different or separate relationship.  We need to know where we are so we can discuss this with our kids.  

Family is my most important thing.  

When asked if I love Susie and if I want the marriage to return to a romantic relationship I hesitated.  

She said that walls can get built up so tall and big, but they're just walls and once they're taken down what is being separated may not be all that great.  

She doesn't trust me.  

She doesn't think I ever really loved her.  

My sadness shows that I have desire for the relationship.  

We have been through a lot.  We owe each other to be honest about the situation.  

"Use the insights to get inner peace." ??  I'm not sure what this was referring to.  

Takeaway: 

I need to learn who I am?  What I need?  And What I want?  

If I'm always thinking about these things I can't be a parent who is present.  And I need to be a parent who is present.  

The kids are growing up in bad soil.  

She suggested I spend time thinking through these.  Suggested using journaling to think through them since that is a practice I am already familiar with.  

Think about this situation from the children's perspective.  

I NEED TO CLARIFY WHAT I WANT.

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