1st meeting with Judy Vinczel, therapist at APS

 I explained the situation.  I had a hard time expressing what I was feeling.  It was like getting my thoughts out in words was difficult.  Like trying to push stuck sausage through a too-small meat grinder.  So much effort to say such simple little things.  Like that little saying Scott was trying to teach me.  It was so simple for him, but for me it's like speaking a foreign language and putting words to my feelings is so difficult.  It's like there is a disconnect between my words and my thoughts.  

She taught me a good strategy, which I hope to use when I meet with Susie, Adam, and Heather next Thursday.  I'll call it the "I statements":

I notice, 

I assume,

I think,

I resent, 

I am hurt by,

I worry about,

I want,

I appreciate,

I realize,

I hope.

I notice, that you're not wearing your wedding ring

I assume, that it has something to do with your feelings about our relationship

I think, that you might be ready to quit on us

I resent, this because I have tried to give my life to supporting this family and putting my life to the side

I am hurt that you don't see the sacrifices that I have made and that instead you see me as a weak individual because this is how I tried to support you and the family

I worry about what it's going to be like to live two separate lives and the confusion that this would cause for our children

I want, to continue to change to because a strong, independent person again that my children and you can learn to respect and appreciate

I appreciate, the way you have continued to be the emotional support that our children have needed to become healthy, caring people

I realize, that you needed me to engage in the emotional and spiritual life of you and the kids and that I wasn't able to do that because of the way I lost my own sense of self 

I hope. that my efforts are a sign that there is hope for this family, even as I realize I have a tremendous amount of emotional work ahead of me to become closer to the healthy person that I want to become.  


On a final note, just stressed that self care is very important with all the stress that we have with all the kids.  And she suggested journaling as a way to practice putting my thoughts into words, and the clarify what I am thinking.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Birthdays aren't all that great these days either

 Man, what a depressed selfish boy I sound like.   I'm feeling all this self pity on my birthday.   I think what really set me off was Susie getting upset with me because Esther wasn't ready as early as she wanted.  It felt like intentional messing up my birthday.  That really frustrated me.   I have some important people to me in my life, and their birthday wishes meant a lot, but I still feel alone.  I still feel like I'm on my own.   Last year the Superbowl was on my birthday and it was one of my very best birthdays.  This year I had to teach on the day after my birthday and I was one of the worst I can remember.   This week especially sucks because Valentines Day is coming too.  That really sucks because it used to be such a special, fun time for me, and I thought it was for Susie too.  But maybe I was fooling myself all the while.  It's hard to believe that is that case, but I think it's true....
Read more

Jr. High Bullying

 In the 8th grade I was bullied by Cory.  I can't remember the kids last name.  I would stand there at my locker and he would shove my back and I would bump into my locker.   It seems like the first time he did it it was an act of endurement.  Like playing around with one of your buddies.  But after a few times it got old.  He would look back at me with his hair flip in his blonde hair, seemingly to make sure that I knew it was him that pushed me.  It went from enduring, to annoying, to bullying, to daily trauma.  I set up a punching bag in my basement.  I found some martial arts magazines and started to practice some moves.  I grew a fear of confronting him.   I tried to just hope away the problem but it wouldn't go away.  I grew more and more weary of him doing this to me and I tried to come up with a scheme to get him to stop doing it.  Often there was an administrator at the end of the hallway watching o...
Read more

Trip to Gerald - May 26 to June 3, 2021

Wed, May 26         heyooooooooooo Abq to Tucumcari 2:40, 186 mi to Amarillo 1:41, 113 mi to Sayre 1:57, 132 mi to OKC 1:54, 129 mi to McD 2:25, 167 mi to Spfd 2:05, 132 mi to Gerald 2:34 163 arrived! We left at 6:03 am, almost on time. Elijah wanted to make oatmeal before leaving. The driving was very smooth and easy. Elijah commented about the time going by quickly. And it did. Compared to the trip in Nov. 2020, the van made much better time. We averaged about 80, the scion averaged about 70! Elijah and I listened to Rachel Held Evans. He was diggin' it. It gave him a story to relate to. Though I don't think it strengthened his Christian faith. But, overall I think it was good thing for him to hear. We talked less than I would have liked, but we did talk some. I was able to speak to him about the value of putting yourself in a position to make money if there comes a time that you need or want to. That he should pursue writing, but that this is a good ti...
Read more