Selvidge Junior HIgh

My first day at Selvidge was a tough one.  As I reflect on this time a lot of emotions come up.  It was a traumatic (little "t") event in my life no doubt.  On the first day my mom dropped off my sister and me at our the school in the drop off lane.  I walked into the school with Dana and we went into the gym together.  Once we got into the gym I don't remember separating from Dana but I do remember that I has to go to the bleachers by myself.  I remember walking up the bleachers and sitting down alone and then I specifically remember holding back tears.  I'm not sure exactly where the tears came from.  No one was mean to me.  No one acknowledged me either.  And that is where some of the tears came from.  I was a nobody.  Other students had friends from their elementary school but I didn't.  I knew my sister and that was all.  

(I wonder what it must have been like for Eric to go to elementary school all by himself.  He didn't know another soul.  He was truly all alone.)

After school I imagine mom or dad must have picked us up but I don't really remember that.  Dana says we walked together to the park down New Ballwin Road, but I don't remember that.  

I don't remember much of the first days of school.  I do remember the penny loafers without socks that some students wore.  I remember the smell of feet after they were in those shoes all day.  I remember seeing Joe McDonald with his big hold calves and his penny loafers walking down the hallway.  

I remember learning that Coach Olivo was from Herman and that was a connection I was determined to share with him since New Haven was just one town over.  

I remember wearing my great big Nike shoes and turning my ankle in P.E. class when basketball season was nearing.  Those clunky old shoes fit me so poorly it was bound to happen eventually.  

I remember sitting in Mrs. Sparks and Mr. Herman's science class and not know what they were talking about but being engaged by their enthusiasm.  I remember sitting in math class and learning that the math teacher was the basketball coach.  I remember somehow meeting Chris Theile in math class and making plans to play tennis together.  I remember Coach Lackey sitting us down with one bleacher pulled out to sit on at the beginning of class.  I remember try to pee in the locker room but not being able to go because I was so worried another kids would walk into the bathroom.  I remember the band teacher and sitting next to Jon Toner.  Me at last chair and Jon next to me.  I remember being in class with other kids who were not threatening but that after we worked on a piece for a while and played it through there was a certain level of satisfaction from the sound that we all made together as a middle school band.  I remember sitting in social studies being engaged by Mrs. Sparks and Mr. Lucas.  That they had such enthusiasm for teaching the class.  And I remember the lunch room.  Standing in line with my 1 dollar and 10 cents to buy the school lunch.  Seeing the honey buns that other students were eating, while I was eating green beans and drinking 2% milk.  And sitting by Eric Eckert.  But I really don't remember who I regularly sat by.  It's a blur to me.  So much of it is a blur to me.  It seems strange I can't remember what I did when I did it hundreds of times over my three years at Selvidge Jr. High.  

But I don't remember that first class, though maybe it was social studies.  It feels like it was social studies.  

So, when I think about it there are a lot of positive memories.  The first day was hard, but it really wasn't all that bad.  

I think the trauma that I experienced came from a dad that wasn't able to talk to us about how our day went.  That was too caught up in the struggles of a new job and a new home instead of being able to focus on talking to us about what we were dealing with.