What Do I Desire?

 Adam asked this at church today.

The question was also asked as I listened to Curt Thompson's book this morning, The Soul of Desire.  

That must be God trying to ask me the question. 

So, what do I desire.  

To start with I desire intimacy.  But not intimacy that is satisfied by a sexual release.  But what does that intimacy look like.  It's a question for me to give some serious thought to.  I will meditate on the word tomorrow morning and as I go to bed tonight.  

I desire bike rides on summer days, listening to Gun 's Roses, singing sweet child of mine, or Bon Jovi, singing you give love a bad name.  

I desire climbing a tree with my girlfriend and her desiring for me to climax so she grabs me until I climax.  

I desire standing at center court with such a lead that we don't have to stand on the line for the free throws, but can stand back and feel like I'm noticed by the crowd as a key player for the sophomore team.  To be pulled off the bench just minutes into the game because we need someone to stop the penetration to the basket and create pressure and turnovers for their guards.  To get a deflection and steal and pass up the court to Danny or Nick ready to make a lay-up.  

Or to have sex with Susie in the back bedroom since we were driving through and couldn't wait to get home.  But that she would have been satisfied too, and not disappointed by my quick climax.  

My effort to consider what I desire is overcome by my sense of grief over the way things are and it is difficult to have the energy to think about what may be, or what good there was, when the pain now is so overwhelming.  

And what does the cross have to do with all of this, I wonder.  Maybe Curt Thompson can fill me in on this in the next section of his book, because I'm not making the connection on my own, at least not right now as I sit in this pain of being despised by my wife after her recent trip to Bainbridge and Mike and Maile's amazing new home.