Being Ignored

 We are all hanging out tonight and I was being ignored by Susie.  

I would make a comment and she just acted like I wasn't there.  

It hurts.  

Why does she have to carry on this way?  

I try to mask the pain and the hurt when she doesn't acknowledge my comments or look at me when she makes eye contact with everyone else that is around.  I try to mask it with work, or with movies, or with tasks around the house.  But eventually the realization of her contempt for me sinks in and it hurts.  

Yesterday she tried to talk to me about Anna after she came home from the trunk or treat and I just didn't understand what she was saying.  Something about Anna's attitude when she came in from the outing and about how Anna was quiet or something but that's not the way I saw it.  

I also let Simon and Anna get into a kids car without knowing whether or not they had seat belts.  In the moment I did feel uncertain about the situation but I couldn't think fast enough to know what to do and I was intimidated by Morgan with her, hi Kyle, smirk, which is actually really starting to piss me off.  Susie was pretty pissed off and put off but my failure to keep our kids safe in that situation.   

I will forever be a failure and a disappointment and incapable in her eyes.  

Well, it's a lot to deal with, but that's how it goes when you're a person.  I'm trying to grow a backbone but it's not easy for me.  

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