Meeting with Rick

 Some thoughts from meeting today with Rick.

I shared how Susie did not seem interested in interacting with me when I got home from camping and how she didn't talk to me when we drove to Simon's baseball game.  

Then I started thinking about all the times that she shared with me and I tuned her out.  How did I not see the consequences of ignoring her, or rather allowing myself to be distracted, when she was trying to talk to me.  It's a pattern that I have been following my whole life.  

I'm almost 50 not.  50 years.  My God that's a long time.  But I can't allow myself to see this as any kind of end.  I've got to see this as a new beginning.  Yes.  Even after 50 years.  Wow.  So much time.  

But that little boy that is still wounded and lonely and crying inside me is having a big influence on me.  So, I have to continue to be in relationship with that little boy.  

Help me see what you've experiences youngster, so together we can heal from whatever it is that is hurting you.  Just show me what is hurting and I will be there for you.  

So, anyway, that was the main thing.  

Also, Rich was asking me about Ruthie and I was sad.  I was sad for the young man sitting outside of the operating room scared shitless and feeling helpless and useless.  Maybe I need to sit with that young man for a little bit and comfort him.  Because as I was telling the story I wanted to cry but wouldn't allow myself to do it.  But there's obviously some sadness that I have about what happened.  



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