2nd Meeting with Rick Smith - Monday, August 15

 What an amazing meeitng today with Rick Smith.  He really has a gift.  Maybe it's the difference between meeting in person and meeting on Zoom like I do with Scott.  Or maybe it's his new perspective that I wasn't getting from Scott.  

Some notes from the meeting:

- I cannot lean on Susie for emotional support, any attempt I make to lean on her for emotional support is going to repulse her

- When I asked her to meet with me for 30 minutes I was asking her let me lean on her, this must be why it she was so opposed to the idea and was so adimant? about not wanting to do it, she was repulsed by my request

- She thinks of me like another responsibility because she thinks of me as another of her children, at least she can enjoy Elijah and not think of him so much as one of her kids

- This healing process is going to have to be about me.  And about Jesus and me.  About understanding how I can lean on Jesus and how he desires me even though it feels like no one in the world desires me, not even me.

- Look at Jesus' interactions with people, How did he respond?

- I need to figure out who I am

- What do I need to do that?  I may need to change careers

- The foundation of my growth will take time to build, like the apartments that are being built by bosque school where for the longest time it looked like nothing was happening except moving around some dirt, in the same way it will take time for me to build my foundation to change into someone that Susie might desire again some day

- Share with Rick at our next meeting what it's like to wrestle with God, what does it look, sound, and feel like to wrestle with God?

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