Summer Lawnmower Jobs

One summer when I lived in New Haven I answered the phone and there was a woman on the other end.  It was not a familiar voice.  She asked me if I had put an ad in the paper about cutting grass in the summer.  I said no and then the phone call ended. Later on I told my mom about the phone call and she told me that she had put an ad in the paper and was disappointed that I did not take the mowing job.  I told my mom that I didn't know she had done that and how was I supposed to know since she didn't tell me.  It was strange to me that my mom put this ad for me in the paper and I wondered when did this happen.  It felt like there were things in my life going on that I didn't know about but that I should probably be aware of.  I didn't feel too bad about not taking the job but was a little disappointed in myself because of my mom's disappointment in losing this sale that she had almost gotten from the ad she put in the paper.  

Later that same summer I had gotten a different mowing job at an older lady's house near St. Peter's Church.  I can't remember if I pushed my mower over there or if I used hers.  But I do remember one incident.  It was time for me to go to cut her grass and I didn't want to go.  I refused to go.  I remember sitting on my bed in tears and my mom was talking to me.  She was trying to give me reasons why it wasn't so bad and that I should go cut the grass.  I don't know why I felt such a strong desire to not cut the grass, but I did not want to do it.  I remember my mom listening to me and sitting on the bed with me trying to understand where I was coming from.  I don't remember her getting mad, maybe very slightly frustrated but that's not the main emotion that I remember.  What I really remember is her sitting there as well as a sense that I shouldn't have such a strong dislike of cutting the grass.  It really wasn't that horrible but my emotions were so strong that I didn't want to.  There was some shame feelings toward myself about my feelings at the time.  I believe I eventually did cut the grass but I can't remember if I continued to for that long.  

I also remember taking piano lessons and having the same feeling.  I just wanted to play with my friends.  I like learning the piano and getting better at it and I recall having some small ability and enjoyed the praise I received from the teacher.  But I hated being away from the fun going on in my backyard with the playing and hanging out with my brother and the neighbor kids.  So, I never really got that good at the piano.  I don't remember any shame in this but there was a bit of disappointment in myself that I didn't continue because a part of me did enjoy doing it.  .