Near the End of the School Year

 Today should be the last day of school.  We have just two and a half to go.  

I am not in a good place emotionally these days.  I have a feeling of not wanting to spend time around others.  That makes it very difficult to enjoy my students... as there are about 80 'others' i have to be around.  Tomorrow I am going to work for Irfon on a couple projects and it will be so nice to be away from it all and just do the work.  There is a command that I have to hold over my students to keep them behaving the way I want them to.  It is a very unpleasant relationship.  Like I have spent all this energy gaining their favor and now I'm spending the currency here in these last days.  I don't like this transactional relationship.  

I don't have any jobs lined up after today.  That's a bit of a relief as I can focus on tasks that I want to accomplish around the house.  And there are plenty to take care of before our trip.  It should also allow me to do some well needed reflecting and reading that I have been neglecting because of the busyness.  Not working for the next two and a half months should allow me at least some time for this important personal work.  And I do need to do this work so bad.  I don't know if I can keep doing what I'm doing without some kind of change or some kind of new mindset.  

I pulled in tonight and saw the neighbor's corvette.  May did I have ill feelings toward him and toward his extravagant posessions, especially comparted to my broken down Scion and my ancient Buick, with it's dents and squeels.  Jelousy is a real source of sadness for me.  I think my parents held jelousy and it relected onto us.  

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