Marriage, teaching, and faith

Marriage. 

Our marriage seems to be less contemptuous, which is good.  I react differently to Susie now.  I do not get disregulated so quickly as I once did.  I have learned to read her better and understand that she is going to give me an honest response, not a response that I am seeking.  This is good.  However, there is no reciprocal affection between us.  I am not showing desire for her and she is not showing desire for me.  We are too busy to consider this a priority right now.  At least that is how I feel.  And the emotional demand that Esther and Simon put on us does not allow us space to tend to the needs of our relationship.  Especially since our relationship does not provide any benefits that we can't fillful more quickly and easily by other means.  So, maybe this summer after a session or two more of therapy and a slower, more relaxed pace we can make some efforts to move toward each other.  And then in the fall Esther will be enrolled in school and Simon will be in school for an extra hour a day, so maybe this will make a difference in Susie's stress level and attention level.  

Teaching.

About a month ago I was pretty much ready to throw in the towel.  My energy level was very low and I was not able to find ways to handle the disrespect and disinterest of the students.  However, with just one month to go until the summer break I feel refreshed and motivated since the end is coming soon.  However, I have been giving some thought to getting an endorsement in health.  I am wondering if this would be a subject that feels more fulfilling to teach.  At this point in the game it is a wait and see situation with all of the changes coming next school year.  The Khan Academy has been a great addition to my curriculum this year and made it way easier to provide differentiation.  Also, the IXL program is great but I still need to provide support for those students because they don't seem to be making progress on their own.  

Faith.

Easter was really a highlight.  And each sabbath on Sunday is definitely a highlight.  I have been engaging less with my story.  However, Brian and I met for breakfast on Friday and that was a meaningful time together.  I think he and I can do some meaningful storywork.  I need this because it is not happening anywhere else.  I enjoy the Wednesday morning men's group because of the good food and fellowship.  However, the theological focus is has become the main emphasis, rather than discipleship or story work so the faith aspect of the getherings have little to no impact on my relationship with God.  So, I think it would be appropriate for me to bring up the matter with the group so that we could discuss what it means to grow in our relationship with God.  And, I guess, still holding on to a foundation of faith in Christ with trust in the Bible, which is a non-negotiable with the men in the group.  Though that's the part that is hard to bring up with the group.

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