Marriage Situation

 Anna has been talking to her friend Sophia a lot recently about the struggles her parents are having in their marriage and that they will likely be getting a divorce.  Hearing Anna and Simon talk about how they feel bad about Sophie and the disappointment they have toward her parents makes me want to prevent Susie and my relationship from continuing to drift apart.  

So, maybe I need to look for an opportunity to say some things to Susie.  

The thought of having an honest conversation with Susie makes me worry that she will say some things that make me sad and make me feel contempt toward myself.  

... It's funny how I project my feelings of contempt toward myself to the feelings that I think Susie has toward me.  She may not have contempt for me but since I have contempt for myself I have been projecting my feeling of self-contempt on Susie.  How strange our mind works.  

Anyway, some of the things I want to say to Susie include that I want to have a close relationship with her because I want to have a meaningful marriage, but the energy that I would need to devote to that is not a high priority for me.  I don't know whether that is because I don't see the reward for a  strong relationship with Susie or if it is because I am fearful that she is not willing to put in the work to match my effort in restoring the relationship.  

Maybe what she needs is to see my effort and allow herself to embrace my effort to pursue her but not feel obligated to give the effort.  That she can see herself as one who can be pursued and not have to gain my approval through her showing me that she is giving as much effort as me towards the relationhsip.  

I need to at least schedule a one hour session with Scott and Susie.  

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