David Clines

 Now David was a very influential person in my life.  Mom didn't realize, or didn't care, or was utterly neglectful, of the kind of things David was up to when we spent time with him.  

I remember when he was young he sucked his finger, well, not young really, closer to about 14, 15, 16, so, when he was a teenager really.  I don't remember which finger, but as I recall it wasn't his thumb because it was a different finger than Dana sucked all those years, and I'm almost certain she sucked her thumb.  I think it must have been his pinkie.

But I do remember sitting in their extremely cluttered, grungy living room.  David and sometimes Jim or the other boys would lie under the covers and seemed to watch TV all day long.  Though it probably wasn't, I imagine.  They had a few arcade size video games which I thought was very cool.  

The harmful memories I have of David are of mostly a passive activity.  

One time he watch a PBS movie while babysitting us.  The movie had a naked woman and I hadn't seen a naked woman before.  I remember the scene of this naked woman.  I even seem to remember laying on the couch with the TV in the corner of the room.  The movie was of a blind man and the naked woman felt a certain level of freedom to be naked because the blind man couldn't see her.  I don't remember getting aroused, but I assume I did because the movie obviously made enough of an impression on me to remember it.  

Then there was the high school incident where mom was responsible for taking David home from his school play where he was supposed to be.  When mom drove all of us kids to David's school to pick him up he was nowhere to be found.  It stressed mom out a good deal.  It made us kids all pretty nervous.  


Then there was the incident where Jeremy and I were hanging out at Jim Pelster's house.  David started smoking and Jeremy rode off the tell my mom.  David said go get him kyle.  So I took off after Jeremy and didn't know what to do.  So, when Jeremy told my mom about David smoking I then decided that I was on Jeremy's side and not going to defend David.  It was a confusing thing for me to switch my loyalty on such a whim like that.  

Then there was the night that I went out with David.  We drove around in his cool new Dodge Daytona.  He was so proud.  That was the night I saw a drunk teenager fall out of a tree at the Lion's Park.  That night we ended up at a woman's house and David apparently slept with her, and likely had sex with her.  Her younger sister was also there who was about my age.  I remember that I had a pretty strong sexual desire to be with this girl but I didn't act on that desire.  Probably more because I didn't know how to initiate rather than any kind of moral inclination.  What a strange night that was.  

Then there was the incident where us kids stayed at David and Angie's mobile trailer on the farm.  It seems like my siblings were there but I don't remember them being there that night as I tried to sleep.  We watch Silence of the Lambs that night and it was fascinating but terrifying.  I must have been a high school or at least a middle schooler but I don't really remember.  Once again my mom trusted my care in David's hands but she ignored the signs that David was not a healthy person for me to be around.  

I don't place any blame on my dad but I certainly should.  He knew David couldn't be trusted but he did not stick up to my mom.  My mom knew David couldn't be trusted but she valued loyalty to her family and peace with her sister more than my well-being.  They both neglected me and I was harmed for it.  It has led to shame and confusion.  Shame about me not having the power to control the decision that I make for my own well-being and confusion about the moral compass that I should have been developing.  

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