2nd Meeting with Scott, October 5th

  Scott and I met today at 7 am.  It was a tough time to meet because Esther was sick with COVID and Susie was going to work.  It worked out find though.  

He asked if anything was going on to talk about.  I told him that I had some low points with Susie and he asked me how I responded at those times.  I told him that one time I watch a movie then played with Simon and that made me feel better.  I also told him I met with Matt and Brian which helped a whole lot.  I told him about how Susie and I put together the treadmill and how that went well and I was feeling better about our relationship.  I said that her comment about us one day turning our bedroom into a workout room made me feel better.  He seemed to be somewhat surprised that such a small comment would make me feel better.  

Then I read my story and it was a pretty unemotonal read.  As we talked about it he had a good insight.  He said that the feelings I had about the regret and longing to have my sexual desire fulfilled but being denied of that is grief.  So, I guess a lot of my feeling are about my stuffing desireBut not always stuffing it and it learding me to grief.  But I didn't fee like grieving.  But I was getting tension in my shoulders when he talked about how young eric and I were. 

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